Small Man’s week: Virgin On The Ridiculous

Crikey, what a week. WHAT. A. WEEK. It has been, as the young people say, a ‘cray’ (apparently the youth are too lazy to put a ‘z’ in the word ‘crazy’, we despair really) week at Small Man Media Towers. And not always for good reasons, he said enigmatically.

This is a good reason though! Writer Monkey Pete touched on this last week, but it has now been announced to the world at large that Small Man Media is officially, without a shadow of a doubt, the winner of an SME News Midlands Enterprise Award for 2017! IN YOUR FACE! We were declared the Best Press Release Solutions Provider in the region. Quite frankly, we would go further and suggest that we are the best in the world, but that’s really not for us to say.

Meanwhile, working her delicate, exquisitely-manicured fingers to the bone was Big Enchilada Rachel, who has racked up more travel miles than a particularly overworked Ryanair pilot this week. Last weekend, she sashayed elegantly into the Althorp Literary Festival, a distinctly swanky affair for book aficionados at Althorp House, in Northamptonshire.

Althorp, for ye who do not know, is the family seat of Earl Spencer of Althorp, so it is, as we say in Wolverhampton, ‘dead fancy like’, and an afternoon tea in its environs is a bit grander than a cup of Earl Grey and a couple of cream scones.

Her Rachelship was there to ensure that competition winners for esteemed pen manufacturers AT Cross and Sheaffer had the dandiest day possible, partaking of said afternoon tea and meeting some of the assembled writers, which included Judy ‘My Sons Are Quite Handy At Tennis’ Murray (below, doing a book signing) and top columnist Kathy Lette, getting signed books into the bargain.

Judy Murray at Althorp Literature Festival, doing the book-signing thang
Judy Murray at Althorp Literature Festival, doing the book-signing thang

Meanwhile, Head Honcho Ben has been throwing himself, like a man possessed, into Firestone’s Battle Of The Bands competition, which is being fronted by Theo from top rock types Wolf Alice. The entries have already started to flood in, as well as the contest popping up in the likes of Tyrepress and the Music Industry News Network. It’s shaping up to be a big one and there’s still time for bands to enter, although we must warn you that traditional Bavarian oompah bands are unlikely to make the final cut.

Theo from top musical turn Wolf Alice is fronting Bridgestone's Battle Of The Bands
Theo from top musical turn Wolf Alice is fronting Firestone’s Battle Of The Bands

Would that all of our endeavours ran so smoothly this week, dear blog-reader. On Wednesday, the Big Enchilada was on the road again heading to London with Disco Dan for a sit-down meeting with funky stationery overlords Mustard, represented by Reuben Utudjian (who owns Mustard, so he’s pretty important) and Bauer Media, owners of 4Music, Absolute Radio, Empire magazine, Closer, Kerrang!, Grazia and all manner of other top brands.

When such a mega mega meet-up is happening, it’s good to be able to count on your train service provider. However, when said service provider is – well, we won’t name them, let’s just say their name rhymes with ‘Surgin’ Pains‘ – then something somewhere is bound to go awry. Like our twosome’s train being suddenly cancelled at New Street Station due to a ‘driver incident’, the incident presumably being that he didn’t bother turning up.

Not even THIS can prevent Team Small Man from getting to a meeting on time
Not even THIS can prevent Team Small Man from getting to a meeting on time

Now, when you’ve barked up north of 180 quid for two tickets to London, it’s not unreasonable to expect that the train, you know, GETS TO LONDON. A setback such as this would have left lesser PR agencies weeping disconsolately in the pub nearest the station, but SMM is made of sterner stuff, chartered another train (by which we mean ‘got on another train’), reached Euston over half an hour late, and STILL managed to make the meeting on time AND organise a serving of cookies, upon which all in attendance were invited to nibble. We’re made of stern stuff here in Wolverhampton. We’re like well-dressed Vikings, really.

In summary, awards, fancy afternoon teas, top new musical acts galore and rubbish train services. And cookies. Never forget the cookies. Of course, a Small Man week wouldn’t be a Small Man week without lashings of delicious coverage, and this week Disco Dan managed to get into Vogue! Well, in the sense that one of Cross’s fantastic limited edition Star Wars pens was in Vogue. Dan himself wasn’t in Vogue, you understand, he’s not a top male model, although he hasn’t ruled it out for the future. “I’m keeping my options open at the moment,” says Dan.

This blog was composed by the Small Man Media Writer Monkey Pete Cashmore. For more information on all of the jolly hoo-ha featured in this blog and Small Man blogs past and future, hit us up on That Twitter.

Writer Monkey Pete takes a hard-earned break after writing this week's blog
Writer Monkey Pete takes a hard-earned break after writing this week’s blog

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *